Man o man, will thoughts ever leave my mind? ok lemme rephrase. Will thoughts of these events every leave my mind? It's been a year and a half and things just keep comming back. The hatred, the love, the anguish. Everything just rushes back all at once sometimes at the most randomest times. It's 2:30 in the morning on Christmas day, and I cannot sleep for I am just thinking.
People come and go, Beef remains, but you are who you are. Be who you are. Before I would think "ohh just live your life, and let things just fall into place" Unfortunatly that isn't what happens. Sure there's some truth in it, but you gotta make a move to get anywhere. I feel like i'm just standing still, waiting for something to happen to me (good/bad).
Honestly, straight up, I hate myself. I hate how i'm so shy. I hate how sometimes if i wanted to, I over-analyze things. I hate how i'm so god damn nice. Maybe the last one isn't that valid, but sometimes it feels like a curse being me. People using me, walking all over me, trash talking me. Normally I don't give two fucks but seriously, a man can only take so much y'know. Once you pass that limit, everything changes. The end result is something much worse. Most likely it will end up with me doing something very irrational and stupid and it won't be pretty... I can guarentee that.
People come and go, Beef remains, but you are who you are. Be who you are. Before I would think "ohh just live your life, and let things just fall into place" Unfortunatly that isn't what happens. Sure there's some truth in it, but you gotta make a move to get anywhere. I feel like i'm just standing still, waiting for something to happen to me (good/bad).
Honestly, straight up, I hate myself. I hate how i'm so shy. I hate how sometimes if i wanted to, I over-analyze things. I hate how i'm so god damn nice. Maybe the last one isn't that valid, but sometimes it feels like a curse being me. People using me, walking all over me, trash talking me. Normally I don't give two fucks but seriously, a man can only take so much y'know. Once you pass that limit, everything changes. The end result is something much worse. Most likely it will end up with me doing something very irrational and stupid and it won't be pretty... I can guarentee that.
posted by Hang-Time at 1:21 AM
2 Comments:
yo jon, glad to see you still update your blog, even with all the hectic stuff going on in your life.
Y'know, it's tough letting people take advantage of your nice/good/kind nature and there are times when one should grow a backbone and stand up for yourself. Sometimes it may just be who you hang out with and whether they are a good or bad influence.
You can probably add that as a new year's resolution. Take care man.
People only walk over you 'cause you left them. If you stand up for yourself, that wouldn't happen. *thumbs up* hang in there.
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