Saturday, October 29, 2005

Been a while

And i'm back! =D hardly any exams and stuff to worry about this week. So! I have time to write in this thing =P Hmmmm thing is, what should I write in here! LoLz. There ARE stuff on my mind, but really, I don't want to put it out in the open. But I guess i'll try and sift through all these thoughts and see what I CAN reveal out in this.

I think the main thought in my head, is where do I go from here. I feel like i'm wandering and wandering aimlessly for that matter. Maybe that's just how single people feel. Iunno, since I havn't been single in a while. Iunno, it just seems like I don't have a real goal to head towards. Other than making money and living a decent life. But that's so far away that it's not a goal I can achieve in the short run. Unless I won the lottery, but that's like 1 in 14million chance. Better off getting hit by lightning 3 times before winning that lottery.

LoL, I think I found a reason why I havn't been here in a while other than exam time. I've totally run out of things to say! My mind is like clear, but not clear. LoL, cuz I do have things running in my head, but they dont' concern me directly, and I don't know if I should tell this person about it. And personally, there isn't much happening in my head to do with me. There is one thing that's bothering me, but i'm not sure if it'll pull through. Ahh well, I think i'm gonna go shower and get ready for work. Ciao!

Monday, October 24, 2005

BREAK TIME!

O man, i'm having a hard time concentrating. After 3 hours of studying both java and finance, it's crazy. So, now i'm just gonna eat some lunch and then get back to studying. I swear after these two exams, i'm just gonna take it easy. And chill and finish this essay that I have to do.

Well, Well, well... What's been up with me lately? I've been stressing and shit over all these exams and crap! especially since I have like 2 exams on one day. And tomorrow will be my second day having that. It sucks! so ya.

Then let's see, this weekend I went volunteering and stuff. That was quite fun. Met some new friends, and met some of Michael's friends. LoL Ryan met some new friends too *wink wink* hahaha! I swear that the people we met, looked like they were about our age. Maybe a little bit younger, but seriously, they were really mature. lol but michael's friends remind me of our group when we were younger. Maybe a little bit less hyperactive, but roughly the same.

It's interesting how a couple years before, it used to be all of us, like linda's friends. Now this year there's a shitload of michaels friends. What's next! Cathy's friends? =P! gotta continue the tradition! haha!

Not much else is on my mind right now. I've sorta pushed everything that was bugging me before and just concentrated on school. Not going too well tho. I've had my moments where I understood everything, but now, those moments are eluding me.

I think i'm done rambling on for now. So I'll be back when exams are over!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

ONE DOWN

Yes! one exam down! and it happens to be the easiest one! thank god! now i have 2 hours to study for the next one. Just to refresh my memory a lil bit.

This whole week is gonna be one hectic blob. And I swear I have a freaking schedule for this whole week. Take today for example. I have to do my exam, then meet up with my group for a lil bit, and then rush outta there to go for an interview at future shop. Then when I get home, I'll haveta study JavaScript. Most likely i'll be able to read up to page 80 or so. I'm hoping for that at least. And maybe i'll do some java script practices and stuff. To make sure i know the code. Then sleep, wake up the next moring to goto class, and listen in class, then study more java script during my 3h break. then goto ghetto law class. and then study sommore at home for like less than an hour, and then goto volunteering.

I swear this week is gonna be BRUTAL as hell. I just want it to be wednesday oct 26. And i still have personal things to do too. UGH! how the fuck am i gonna do this. bah, gotta study.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Totally random

Wow, seriously this was totally random. I just checked on friendster and I noticed I had a new testimonial and a couple of messages. I checked the messages and holy fuck. there were like 5 waiting for me. The weird part was that 2 of them were from people who are like 40+ who were looking for a relationship. LIKE WTF! i'm fucking 19! can you not READ my profile? LoL. The others were younger I believe who just started out basically. Another weird thing about the whole thing was that they all messaged me on the same day. Oct 15. Odd, But still I only added/responded to the younger ones. Why the hell would i bother with the people who are 40+ and already have kids! LIKE WTF! and they can't speak english for shit! lolz!

O man, i'm not sure what to do right now. A guy came up to me with a problem and he's like "yo, do you think you can help me out with ITM320?" it's the class that i'm advising for. And like he wants me to do his assignment for him. Cuz he's got like midterms and shit. LoL he was gonna pay me 40 bucks, so I said sure, whatever. Find me afterwards. I didn't tell him that it was like perfect. I assume he thinks that he'll get such a great mark on it. But honestly i'm not doing very well in that course. Not after the test. LOL. O well =P

Well, let's see now, I'm quite tired. been here for like 5 hours so far, helping people. It's not too bad, but when people don't understand this concept, it's frustrating. O well, it's still good. Helped them out for a bit then they left so it's good.

Ugh i'm hungry, i'm gonna eat my lunch Ciao!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

This month is KILLER

Holy shit, I'm in class and I decided to see what I have to do this month. It was a BAD idea. I just realized how much shit I haveta do for this month. And this is how everything rolls out.

study access Exam: Oct 12
study telecom Exam: Oct 13/20
study Astronomy Exam: Oct 20
study Javascript Exam: Oct 25
Study finance Exam: Oct 25

do access assignment Due: Oct 14
do Telecom rough draft Due: Oct 14
do finance Problem set Due: Oct 21
do Javascript Assignments Due: N/A just for practice b4 Exam

Like holy crap, that's a lot of shit right there. Gonna be stressed to the MAX. I think I have work next weekend too, so frig, there goes 16 hours of productivity. Damnit! and then the week after i'm volunteering at this place with friends so I think that whole day will be gone. I think I might bring a book to study or read or something. Cuz usually there's just a rest period and I could probably get some reading done in that time.

Man o man. Just to warn you people in advance, if I seem grumpy/pissed off, it probably isn't because of you, it's moreso school. But i'll still try and find time to hang out, cuz I know i'll need some of that chilling time. neways back to listenning in class.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Done? or no?

Well well well, I think that for once in a really long time, my mind is somewhat clear of things. Other than school, there's only like 1 thing on my mind. And that is basically what will happen between us. Like what's our future gonna be like?

I've done all that I can by far to make things alright. And you know, confrontation is really good. I'm amazed on how well it works between friends. Next time a problem arises, I should really confront them head on. Instead of dragging it out. It's such a burden on my mind to think something for so long when I can get the FULL story just by asking.

As for us, I think things will work out for the better. Some things may remain such as some secrets being kept from one another, perhaps still have stupid arguments, but all in all, I'm really not too worried. I know we can work it out and things will be good.

Oh ya, I forgot... I've been w0ndering something too. Am I done or not? It seems like i've accomplished all the things i've wanted to accomplish, but am I really done? Do I still have some unfinished business with people? I do have 2 in mind, but really, if I were to finish it, I think it wouldn't end very well.

O shit, i left the punching bag in my car. I'm gonna go get it. I don't think i brought the chains. =S LoL o well, i'll set it up another day then =)

BTW, I'm happy to have my tiger back =) Felt like so long. I shouldn't have let it drag on. I'm sorry for that.

Friday, October 07, 2005

2nd post!

can you believe it? This'll be my second post for today! O wait a second, it's Saturday right now. LOL NEVERMIND THEN! haha! An early morning post =D

So, I think i've made up my mind. At the end of Oct. I hope to have things all sorted out in my life. Relationship wise, Friends wise, where i'm heading, and ya. I really hope nothing happens within this month that'll throw me off course. I don't want to tell anyone about what the outcome I hope to achieve but instead let them see what happens.

And that's all i wanted to say. By the end of Oct. Things should be good.

stuff

Well, i'm on my break right now. Just ran into Eric in the halls =P. He was going to class and looked like he was in a rush so ya! lolz

Well, let's see what's the news for today. Well I have a test today so that kinda sucks. But then it's Emily's Bday so that's good for her. btw.

HAPPY BDAY EMILY =D

There we go. Let's see, what else... I found out yesterday about some things that's been going on with one of my friends. I don't think things should've ended the way it did. But shit happens y'know. Kinda like the shit that happened to me about 2 months ago. So take care girl. My best advice I think would just be cautious of who you trust yourself with. I know I should take my own advice from now on as well. As well as some other people.

On another note, that same person told me some things as well. They were pissed off because most of her friends are like going places. And among those are my friends as well. I really hope they'll be aight tonight. Stay safe yo, and gimmi a call if y'all need me.

I wonder how things are going with you? We havn't talked in a while. People are tellin me to just say something and get it over with, but iunno. It was probably my misunderstanding of things but I don't know. I know the truth hurts and when mixed with bluntness, wow, it just sent me into a state of solitude. For the last what, 4 days I really didn't care what happened to me, to us, to anyone.

Well, whatever, maybe today will be the day we talk? maybe it wont. All I know is that I should really study. So i'm out. Peace

Thursday, October 06, 2005

O man...

Hmm, funniest thing, I look around and I see people scrambling to study and do tests and things like that. Now I wonder... Why am I not like that? I was like that last year but what happened? Is it just because there's so many things going on in my life that it seems normal? Or am I just not caring anymore and just taking it as it is? I really don't know... Maybe it's a bit of both! O well, just something for me to think about later.

Sooooo, Let's see what else is going on. Well, I had my two crazy days where I stayed at school for 6 hours, so that's over and done with. I've got a midterm on Friday and at least one test/midterm every week this month. Yet i'm not scared for some reason. And ya! That's basically it school wise.

Personally, I think I need a vacation. Though I may not seem stressed out or anything, I really feel like I need a break from everything. Just me. Some time to just leave everything behind and not worry about it. Sure things will still be there when I get back, but at least it's freedom y'know? I guess it's sorta like putting myself in solitude but iunno, maybe it'll help?

On the contrary, i've been meeting some people around school! It's not that bad. Havn't really had the courage to go UP to people, but they usually come to me. LoL. No idea why but ya. I can never really approach someone to talk to them because I have no idea what to say. Knowing me, i'll probably say something stupid like "HOW U DOING" kinda thing. Haha! Joey, o man that was good =)

Ugh, I wish school would pass by faster. They should make school 2 years not 4. Geez. I just wanna get out there and just work and make money so I can live my life. Instead of comming to school, worrying about school and crap.

Anyone else other than me feel old?? I mean like look, I WANT to work. Like WTF... Before all I wanted to do was play games, hang out with friends, goto the mall, be with someone special, y'know the works. Now look what has happened. My life has done a complete 180. Probably because of certain things, but damn! Goes to show that your life can change right before your eyes. And i'm not talking about the good way. Like winning the Lottery. Of course that'd be GREAT! =D I'll take that! haha. Too bad i'm not the gambling type. Ah well, I'd probably lose it all anyways.

Well I think i'm done babbling on. Almost time for class so i'm out.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

hmmm what to talk about...

I really really hate today. Fucking group members just had to fucking pick a time that 6 hours away from the end of my class. Like fucking hell. I even told them too, and they go ahead and make it at fucking 6. So i'm at school AGAIN for maybe 12 hours or a lil bit less than that. God damn i'm so pissed off.

Ugh, this week is just getting worse and worse as it goes on. I really hope next week is different. I swear, I could probably snap at the next person that pisses me off. Full out knock the shit outta him. And to top it all off, I think i'm getting sick. I woke up today and my throat was just nasty. It was sorta hurting, and I was coughing. Good thing I bought some Halls. It seemed to have helped a lil bit. But now i'm in a freakin room with the A/C pumping down on me.

I swear I need to go somewhere, and just relax. But I can't do that while school is on. Can't let my guard down during school otherwise i'll get fucked over. Ugh whatever, i'm out.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Something i got as an e-mail

Okay, so basically a question was asked to young kids. The question was "What does love mean?" I know it kinda relates to my previous one which is why i'm adding this. Here were the results.

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and painther toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time,even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. Youjust know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologneand they go out and smell each other."Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your Frenchfries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy -age 6

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sipbefore giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired ofkissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy andDaddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop openingpresents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friendwho you hate," Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's onthis planet)

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears iteveryday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are stillfriends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6

During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked
was the only one doing that. I wasn\'t scared anymore." Cindy - age 8


My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone elsekissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6

Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he ishandsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him aloneall day." Mary Ann - age 4

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her oldclothes and has to go out and buy new ones."Lauren - age 4

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and littlestars come out of you." (what an imagination)Karen - age 7

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't thinkit's gross." Mark - age 6

You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if youmean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."Jessica - age 8

Yup that's all. What's your definition of love? This is what i'd say.
.
.
.
I really don't know how to describe love. Maybe it's because of the things that's happened to me ever since July. I can only say this.

You'll know when you love someone. I can't explain what love is, but I can tell you that when you're in love, you just can't imagine a life without him/her.

Iunno, i can't think right now so imma leave it at that. Maybe i'll change that later.

just babbling

Yup! time for another entry! lol! I think it's about time for one =) Let's see what's been going on.

I really don't know what i'm thinking about right now. It's quite random and confusing to me. I know there are times when I get mad or something and I say things that I don't really mean. Like one day I was so determined to do something, to accomplish it. But after some time, I realized that I just can't live like that. I can't just abandon/forget about someone that means so much to me. Even with other obstacles including other people, arguments, and some other things that bug me, I can't pull myself away. I know for sure that those people are not trustworthy. They're all fucked up people talking shit here and there. After learning somethings about them, I would gladly fight any one of them. Not just for the things they've done to someone I care about, but also for the stupid shit that they've said about me behind my back. Not that I really care what people say behind my back, but to say that i'm something i'm not, especially something low like them, just bugs me. Cuz I know for damn sure i'm not the type of scum like they are. Sure I may be rough sometimes, but not to the extent of them. I value my own life as much as I do with any of my friends. I wouldn't spend my life doing things that will end it sooner. It's just stupid.

My friend was once telling me somethings. Well two in fact. They had the same idea as I do. They said something along these lines.

There is no need to do some of those things. You're not gaining anything from doing it. The only thing that comes out of it, is a loss. Unltimately you'll wind up dead and the things you're doing is just killing you slowly. It's kinda like me taking small amounts of poison every day just because I "like" it or it takes me away from reality. It's stupid, you're just killing yourself slowly and if you're avoiding something, it'll still be there even after you've taken the poison. So why do it?

I know that was kinda long, but I added in parts from other people too.

If I had one wish in the whole world, I think i'd wish for all my friends to be happy and healthy.

It'd be quite sad if some of my friends found happiness by doing what I disliked above. Even though I didn't mention anything in particular, but you people are smart, i'm sure you'll figure it out.

Crash and Burn
When you feel all alone,
And the world has turned it's back on you,
Give ma a moment please,
To tame your wild wild heart,

I know it feels like the wall are closing in on you,
It's hard to find relief, and people can be so cold,

When darkness is apon your door,
You feel like you can't take anymore,

Let me be the one you call,
If you jump i'll break your fall,
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night,
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone!

When you feel all alone,
And a loyal friend is hard to find,
You crawl in a one way street,
With the monsters in your head,

When hopes and dreams are far away,
And you feel like you can't face the day,

Let me be the one you call,
If you jump i'll break your fall,
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night,
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone!


Cuz there's always been heart ache and pain,
When it's over, you'll breath again,

When you feel all alone,
And the world has turned it's back on you,
Give me a moment please,
To tame your wild wild heart,

Let me be the one you call,
If you jump i'll break your fall,
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night,
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone!

That song was just playing on my playlist. I guess the reason why I put it up there, is just to say that for all of my friends out there... You're never alone.